[A Companion Piece to "Reaching Your Full Potential: Worldly Pressures vs. Godly Promises"]
Well this could definitely be better.
I tapped my index finger impatiently against the rim of my not-so-white mug of tea. It was a cheap, heavily used mug I got for less than 5 quid at one of those tacky tourist shops at Heathrow Airport in London. The material was durable, but far from lovely. It had all the telltale signs of the kitsch sentimentality unique to the cut-rate keepsakes of the American traveler: small, clip-art-quality graphics, large ugly fonts awkwardly wriggling in between replicas of all the stereotypical landmarks, colors that are either too muted or artificially bright. It was, for all intents and purposes, cheap. Like my writing.
I sighed and returned my gaze to my computer screen. Usually, a blank Word document acts as my chief annoyance when it comes to drafting, but the doc in front of me was well fed and almost obese. What bothered me most was the quality of the prose. I was editing my first article for my friend's Christian blog (this blog, actually), and it felt important. The pang in my gut, unfortunately, did not have much to do with fears of misleading readers in their faith or messing up Scriptural reference; it was concerned with their perception of me as a writer. The words on the screen just weren't up to snuff. I wanted the prose to dance and shower readers with some feeling of wonder; I wanted the style to impress, to tickle their hedonistic senses. Aesthetic appreciation. Flowery, magical, Rowling or Tolkien level stuff! That's what I wanted. Not for them, really. For me.
I was annoyed for a while. I didn't want to embarrass myself. What if our other friends read it, and realized I wasn't such a great writer after all? I was an English major from Berkeley, and anything subpar would make me a joke, right? And what if I needed to use this as a writing sample, and my employers decided to laugh alongside my peers? Maybe I should edit some more. Maybe I should ask my friend not to even bother publishing this, or maybe it could be anonymous at first.
These nervous thoughts raced through my head as I decided to move on to other projects. I'd leave this aside from now. But as I thought more and more about the article I hoped to edit to perfection, the Lord reminded me of the glorious irony I was experiencing. I had written an article about reaching your "full potential" in Christ, emphasizing the difference between a godly perspective and a worldly one in regards to achievement and self-realization. And I remembered that the point of the article, the point of any type of service in the kingdom of God, was to highlight GOD not me. The readers needed to see HIS words, HIS character, HIS talent for making things beautiful, not my own. I mean, come on I couldn't save them, and knowing me wouldn't necessarily be a balm to their problems or a supplement to their health. But knowing God, understanding His message- that would do the trick. And I didn't need to rely on showcasing my talent to prove my worth or to whine for recognition. If others recognize Christ in me, then they will see the beauty of God's craftsmanship. And even if they don't see it, even if they're not looking or if I make mistakes that muddle up the image, I need to remember that God made me (and is still making me) into a beautiful vessel for His glory that others might recognize how good He's been to me.
And at the end of the day, it wasn't about producing the fanciest or most impressive piece of writing. Sometimes simplicity and direct communication reveal the greatest wonders of all. Not all sections of the Bible are as artistically embellished as Song of Solomon. In fact, even Paul admitted that at times his style of speech was far from remarkable. In 1 Corinthians, Paul shares this:
"And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God." (ESV).
Paul sought to glorify God, to put Jesus in the spotlight because heart-knowledge of the Savior was what was going to help Paul's brothers in Corinth. He loved them genuinely, and ardently. And more than that, he loved the Lord and so sought in great delight to shed light on God's glory. He didn't mind that he fell a little short when it came to public speaking. He didn't need to revered or thought well of. But Paul was certainly an excellent preacher of the Gospel and a valued servant of Christ, beautiful and talented in God's eyes by God's power.
But I'm not Paul.
That's true. I'm not Paul either. And all this talk about wanting to glorify God may not necessarily provide immediate relief to our emotional experience of inadequacy. You might've heard all this before, and you're going it's not helping. Just hear me out.
Sometimes as Christians we get caught up in how the world might perceive us, how we might want to be something above average when we feel far from extraordinary. Our flesh beckons us to try to prove ourselves to everyone, even to God, because ultimately we seek to be valued and loved. There is nothing wrong with the underlying desire to be loved, for God indeed wants us to know we are loved and treasured by Him! But our sin corrupts this and allows this to manifest in self-worship, self-promotion, to make up for a lacking sense of value when we fail to fully appreciate the way God cherishes us. God made you and I special, and the insurmountable cost of Christ's death on the cross made you valuable beyond any humanly conceivable measurement or price. You are wanted, desired, loved by God. And sometimes that doesn't feel like enough- we want other humans to love and desire us too.
Fellowship is a good and God-given thing.
He desires for us to be in community, and even if it seems dark and lonely, trust that God will provide people in your life to share the warmth of His love through a hug, a reassuring text, a kiss. It is not good for man to be alone. And granted, it can be hard waiting in what feels like utter loneliness (I've been there many times). Or maybe the community you do have, or were previously involved in, just didn't live up to your expectations; maybe your community failed you by leaving you out of its cliques, by promoting hateful attitudes that left you feeling less than human. The world's festering cesspool of racism, sexism, and other forms of blatantly hateful and anti-Biblical heart postures has unfortunately produced many broken communities that cause people to nurse self hatred and depression. But God WILL provide you the faith to endure, to wait, to fight against the spiritual forces of darkness that work as the puppet masters behind systemic and individual cases of hate, and to fight for God's justice and love in your local community. He will provide the blessing and reward as well even when you fail to trust at first. Your trust will be strengthened. It's called sanctification.
As you grow into Christ, you will begin to want to glorify God in the love you bear for Him, for your brothers and sisters, for the lost. And yes, even mature Christians sometimes stumble and struggle with wanting a bit of the limelight. But security in your value, in your beauty, comes from the Creator and He will be sure to remind you of that and help you believe it.
If you're struggling with seeing yourself as someone beautiful and meaningful to God, or if you're hoping your talents will one day make you "enough", I'd highly recommend the book Masterpiece by Dr. Ken Nichols. As it reads on the cover,
"Seeing yourself as God's work of art changes everything!"
You don't have to worry about tackling super intense and theologically complicated concepts in this one. It's an easy read, but it holds a powerful yet simple Biblical perspective that can help you work through a lot of insecurities and sin. Accompany this with prayer, Scripture, and someone to talk to. Remember: there are times when God uses simple verses or friendly materials to give us a surprisingly swift but deep clean up, and there are times where we need to engage in discipline and continually get our eyes and hearts into God's truth to let it sink in a bit. Let the Holy Spirit do His work! And be patient in the process (I'm preaching to myself here, haha).
Some Scripture for encouragement:
Isaiah 62:3-5
You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. You shall no more be termed Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate, but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her, and your land Married; for the Lord delights in you, and your land shall be married. For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.
Isaiah 61:10-11
I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. For as the earth brings forth its sprouts, and as a garden causes what is sown in it to sprout up, so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to sprout up before all the nations.
Jeremiah 31:20
Is Ephraim my dear son? Is he my darling child? For as often as I speak against him, I do remember him still. Therefore my heart yearns for him; I will surely have mercy on him, declares the Lord.
Jeremiah 31: 11-14
For the Lord has ransomed Jacob and has redeemed him from hands too strong for him. They shall come and sing aloud on the height of Zion, and they shall be radiant over the goodness of the Lord, over the grain, the wine, and the oil, and over the young of the flock and the herd; their life shall be like a watered garden, and they shall languish no more. Then shall the young women rejoice in the dance, and the young men and the old shall be merry. I will turn their mourning into joy; I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow. I will feast the soul of the priests with abundance, and my people shall be satisfied with my goodness, declares the Lord.
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