"Distance" is not a word we like to hear. We don't want our friends to be far away from us, we don't like long distance relationships, and we definitely don't enjoy feeling distant from God.
But now that Covid-19 has forced many of us to shelter-in-place and essentially isolate ourselves in our homes, distance is starting to look like an inevitable installation in our lives, building on top of the loneliness we might have already been feeling before this pandemic started. Separation anxiety may be an extreme term to apply to most people's experiences, but it's not far off from describing the emotional residue. Feelings of abandonment and neglect can pop up like sickly daisies. Friends who used to be like siblings now seem to live their lives fairly independently of you, or they at least don't make an effort to talk to you as much. Or maybe your long-distance friends do make a conscious attempt to keep you in the loop, but the pain of not having them right there when you need them becomes taxing, especially if you haven't exactly made any close friends on your campus or in your hometown or wherever you are. You may know that your significant other loves you and cherishes you, but when they're busy and not able to walk down the street to your house anymore, it can be a struggle to know that accessibility isn't what it used to be. Maybe you just really want to be held, to be hugged by those people who now seem farthest from you. That can be how we feel about God, when we can't feel His presence the way we used to or we can't hear His voice as clearly as we once did.
We can be tempted to feel empty, forgotten, and alone.
Loneliness isn't just for the singles. Loneliness isn't just for the friendless. It's not a made up problem that we can just get over in a heartbeat. No, we're not being overly sensitive either. It's very real, and the fierce human desire for genuine connection and intimacy can produce a voracious appetite when starved.
Faith in God's constant presence is difficult when we depend so greatly upon an emotional experience. Faith in a friend's devotion can be hard when we expect the specifics of our relationship to look the same now as they did a few years ago when we lived next door to each other or saw each other every day at school. But God's presence and desire to be with you is constant. And a true friend will remain so even if your day-to-day activities don't resemble childhood patterns. We may know all this to be true in our heads, but our hearts at times do not feel satisfied by these answers. Is it because our faith doesn't run deep enough? It's very possible. Is it because we really just miss that person and want them to be with us? Sure. Is that wrong? No, and God is with you in that pain. God yearned for us when we were running away from Him. And the Lord knows loneliness. How did Jesus feel on the cross when He cried "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" He was going where no one else could follow. His friends and brothers would not be accessible, for a time. The pain was real. I believe Jesus was the loneliest person in the universe in those moments, and truly nobody else could actually understand what He was going through. But in allowing Himself to endure this, Jesus became a Great High Priest who truly sympathizes with us. He did it so we would never have to be truly alone, as He was; He did it so we would always, always have Him.
So why does He allow us to go through that pain, knowing Himself how excruciating it can be? There is always a reason, it is always done in love, and frankly I'm not always going to know the specific reasoning He has in mind. But the storm ends with you receiving greater enjoyment of Him and others. Feeling closer to Him, knowing the security and warmth of being wrapped in His arms- that is always going to be the end result, for that is the last transition in the final page before the eternal epilogue. It is not good for man to be alone. And remember: God lives inside of you, His Holy Spirit dwells in you, and there is no place you can go on this earth where you can escape His presence and relentless love (Psalm 139:7-12). When you don't feel it, believe in it, wait for it, endure for a little while and let strength rise as you wait upon the Lord. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you, because you can't do that by yourself.
And big red flag here:
Don't fall into the trap of hiding away from others.
Share your burden; your eyes may be open to see and experience the sweetness of God's love for you through the compassion of another person. Let them pray for you, so they can rejoice with you later on. Why do we allow ourselves to dig deeper into isolation as a response to the pain we already feel from loneliness? We feel unwanted, but don't let your heart deceive you! Just because others have failed you in the past, it doesn't mean that everyone always will. Reach out, don't allow yourself to be alone with the voices of the Enemy. Cling on to hope, allow godly voices in to help you fight lies of worthlessness and undesirability. I say it again: share. The Body is commanded to bear each other's burdens, so dare to have faith that even where people may have disappointed you before God can still empower His children to love you. Don't rob yourself of that chance. Don't be afraid to be honest with how you feel. If you're suffocating, if you feel like a soda can that is being crushed hour-by-hour and minute-by-minute, say so. God will hear you too. And in the struggle to remain patient in the midst of distress, recall this:
"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10
Some final, important truths to keep in your heart: God yearns for you, despite your mistakes, and He has not forgotten you (Jeremiah 31:20). He wants that intimacy as much as you might, and He is eagerly waiting to carry out that desire and promise. If you are in Christ, you are promised that intimacy. He created healthy human intimacy as well, and encourages it. His timing is ever driven by His relentless love for you, and He speaks many times of satisfying the holy longings of your soul and exchanging sorrow for joy. You will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13).
Note: While this particular article doesn't cover this in-depth, it's important to note that there is another type of loneliness and another type of distance that many people- Christian or not- endure. It's the isolation of singularity. In other words: Nobody else understands what I'm going through. You might find that others in your immediate circle, or even in your extended reach of contacts, aren't able to sympathize with or understand your issues at all. This creates emotional distance, and it is in isolation that the Enemy likes to storm our castle. With no companion voices to challenge Satan's lies, he can whisper for nights on end to weary you out to the point where you don't even put up much of a fight anymore. I would encourage those who find themselves in this spot to also meditate upon the truths listed above, and remember the loneliness Christ endured. He understands better than anyone, and He does not desire for you to remain in that place. Opening up can be risky; you can be disappointed when other people don't share your plights or at least demonstrate the level of concern you expected. But closing your doors will deepen your pain. Bring things to light, talk to God about it. He's the only One Who has known your thoughts, been with you every step of the way, seen what you've seen. You may not want to talk to Him about it; you may not want to bother with sharing with friends anymore. But you never know who might also be sharing your struggle, and God can empower individuals in your community in ways that you can hardly predict.
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